Author: mlittlefield3 (Page 4 of 5)

It Could Always Be Worse

As someone who has a loved one in the military, it is really hard for others to console with you if they haven’t experienced the same hardships. Shortly after he left for bootcamp, I reached out to another girl who had just gone through the same thing but with someone in the Airforce rather than the Navy. She discussed her journey thus far and how she has managed to maintain hope and happiness. Up until I met her, I thought that I was having a difficult time with him being away in South Carolina. This was until she told me that her loved one was in Japan.

It can be a really humbling experience to be able to talk to someone who is going through similar transitions in life. You always think that your situation is bad  until you meet someone who is going through things that you couldn’t even imagine experiencing. I really look up to her, she is making the best of a pretty difficult situation. Talking to her makes me feel like I don’t have the right to be sad for myself since she’s going through worse and is still able to be happy.

I have been able to find solace in talking to others as well as blogging about my journey. Since I’ve started blogging in this class I have become interested in searching for other blogs that pertain to other military relationships. This will hopefully help me in trying to maintain positivity through these next couple of years.

I have sent him many packages since he left for basic in August. It was good for me, and it gave him something to look forward to and I always loved decorating the boxes. I have made him a care package for every holiday that we celebrate. So far I have sent him a box for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, Easter and his birthday. Every once in a while, when we go through our dry spell of holidays in the summer, I will occasionally send a small gift of goodies just to remind him that I’m thinking about him. I got some of my ideas for his care packages from Pinterest or just simply looking up blogs like Hero Care Packages by Jack Wray, a retired Navy Sailor. It’s best to get the advice from someone who’s been deployed because they know how it feels to receive a care package from family and I would imagine that it’s something that they look forward to.

 Most often, I would send some of his favorite snacks and treats that he otherwise wouldn’t have access to while on base. I also send some personalized things like photos or notes, just to remind him a little bit of home but not too much to make him feel sad. I’ always love doing his care packages and often times I will start decorating weeks in advance. Once finished, I will send it through the United Postal Service and it’ll normally take 3 to 4 days to get to him. It makes me feel better knowing that even from hundreds of miles away I can still make him smile.

I recently began to take up scrapbooking as a form of therapy and to get my creative juices flowing. Since his departure in August, I’ve struggled to come to terms with this new way of life and having to comply with it if I want to maintain a relationship with him. My mom actually suggested scrapbooking and instead of dreading what the future holds, I find myself reminiscing in the past and being proud of all the things he’s accomplished in the times when I was probably sad about them. I find myself sad in these moments because it’s all becoming real.

This is the actual scrapbook that I’ve been using to document memories with him, both in and out of the military. I haven’t had much time to add to it lately so I’m hoping I can really get into it this summer. Michael’s Craft Store has an entire military section so I’ve been getting a lot of my scrapbooking supplies from there.

Fellow blogger and military significant other Dani, also documents military milestones through scrapbooking and believes it is a great way to remember the good things in an exceptionally difficult lifestyle. On her blog, Scrapbooking Military Memories, she describes her scrapbooking process and talks about the benefits of scrapbooking. “Whether your service member is in the military for a few years or up until retirement, recording the milestones of his or her military career and your family life during that time is an important part of preserving your photos, memories and heritage”.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, 48 percent of couples who marry before 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years. Only 24 percent of those who marry after age 25 will divorce within 10 years. These statistics refer to relationships where neither spouse is in the military.

So it is not surprising that there is predicted to be a higher rate of divorce in the military population, especially among young couples where one, or both are enlisted in a branch of the military.

WAIT, this prediction is false.

The Man With A Plan… Just Kidding

I tend to think about what my next step in life will be. I’m a person who likes having a plan, I want to know what I’ll be doing next and without a plan, I find myself lost.

If I have learned anything from having someone I love in the Navy, it is that nothing is ever certain. Military time is not the same as my time and I’ve struggled to come to terms with this. As a child, I would always think about what my future would be like; how many children will I have, what will my wedding be like, who will I marry. At this point in my life, I’m almost 22, I want a family and a career, I want my own home and someone to go home to. I know this is unrealistic and that I’m thinking too far into the future, but is it so wrong to be excited for what my life might be like? I worry that being attached to someone in the military may mean that I can’t have these things. I know I talk a lot about his life and what this means to me, but what about my life. How do I find a balance between being excited for my future but not having a plan for it.

Coming Home

Each month, a Navy service member is eligible to earn 2.5 days of leave. After being in the Navy since August, he had received 10 days of leave when it came around to December and was able to come home to celebrate Christmas.

I had my concerns, I thought he would be different or perhaps seeing him for the first time in so long would cause an  awkward encounter between us. I worried that the feelings we had for eachother before he left would no longer be there now. I had also settled into a new routine since he left and the way I did things now were different than before he left. I grew accustomed to not being with him all the time.

Phew

Fortunately, I was able to settle into my old ways for the 10 days that he was home. Unfortunately, having to say goodbye again broke my heart and it’s like I had to recover all over again. It was similar to a case of “deja vu”.  I had remembered all these memories with him, but it had felt like they were getting recorded back to me in reverse. Not to say that I didn’t enjoy him being home, because I did. I just didn’t realize how painful it would be to let him go all over again.

I Always Thought..

I always thought that I was an independent person, that I didn’t need anyone else to make me happy or to feel wanted but after he left, I realized that this simply wasn’t the case. I had been with him for three years prior to him enlisting into the military and had spent most of my time with him. We met at a baseball game and from that point on we became a packaged deal, for the most part. We had accompanied each other throughout milestones in each others life, graduation, prom, college. We knew what we wanted and would always strive for happiness together. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into when he told me his life plan, I never wanted to get in the way of his future goals so I agreed to run with him. I just wish I had prepared myself more, not that I knew what I was preparing for and I’m not sure anyone in my position does. 

Happiness came so easily for me, then it became so difficult.

I found happiness in writing to him. The days I got letters back from him were great days and the days I didn’t get anything were bad. By now the letters he wrote have been read at least 10 times over and each time I find something new in them.

Changing My Ways

I am learning to live without his physical presence each and everyday. I speak to him often, FaceTime frequently and send him packages every now and again. By now I have learned that I’ve always been independent, even before he came around. What happened is called change and apparently I don’ t handle that well.

Just Take A Lorazepam And You’ll Be Fine

If there’s anything that I can take away from this entire experience it is that the military has allowed me to find a joy in traveling.

Before I was exposed to this military lifestyle, I had only minimal travel experience. I’ve always lived in Maine so naturally I have travelled throughout most of New England but I never strayed off too far from home. I new that once he had left for bootcamp the next time I would be able to see him was at his graduation ceremony in  Chicago, Illinois on October 26th. I had never been on a plane and I had never traveled without my family so this was going to be quite the journey for me.

Oh Money, Money $$

Flying was a new experience, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had thought it out to be. I had flown with his side of the family and knowing I had never flown before, they made it as easy as they possibly could for me. The only downside is that flying can get costly and I am a full time college student (college = broke).

After his graduation ceremony in Chicago, he was immediately sent to Charleston, South Carolina to the Naval Nuclear Power Training Command where he would learn how to engineer nuclear reactors.

The first time I flew by myself was when I went to see him in Charleston over my Spring Break. This flight was much easier than the first because I wasn’t traveling with his family ? and second, I was traveling next to other students also on Spring Break. ?

The Journey So Far..

Navy Timeline

August 29, 2018

The day he left for bootcamp.

This was the first time I’d ever seen him cry, as he hugged his father (U.S. Navy veteran) goodbye. I had spent the last three years spending every day that I could with him and for the next two months he would practically disappear from my life.

I looked up to him, he was my best friend and always seemed so strong and confident, nothing could bother him (not even the Sarah McLachlan SPCA commercial).

The Basics

Recruit Training Command (Naval bootcamp), located in Chicago Illinois, is a 7 week long program that turns a civilian into a sailor. During these 7 weeks a recruit is only able to have written contact with family members. At the end of the program a graduation ceremony is preformed to recognize the recruit as an official U.S. Navy Sailor.

Hopelessness ensued

Shortly after he left, my junior year at UNE began and it quickly took a turn for the worst. I stopped eating, studying and going to class. I missed him terribly and an emptiness quickly developed inside of me. The weeks went by slowly and my sadness turned to angst as I began to worry that the person who he had been before may not be the person he is now.

I wasn’t coping with his absence, I was deteriorating.

United States NAVY RTC Recruit Training Command Great Lakes, IL

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Just Another Three Day Weekend

This time last year, I had not experienced what it was like to have a loved one in the military during Memorial Day, the day in which America remembers and honors those who have died while serving in the United States Armed Forces. Before now, Memorial Day just seemed like a good excuse to have a three day weekend, and to some it still may.

For me, Memorial Day represents my biggest fear that one day he may not come home.

This  Memorial Day I am fortunate enough to be with him as he has been on leave for the past 10 days. Unfortunately, he leaves tomorrow morning to return back to his base in South Carolina for an unknown amount of time. I don’t know when I’ll be able to see him again and because of that, I always make sure to tell him how proud I am for committing himself to this country.

How You Can Show Your Appreciation

Labor Day and Memorial Day should not be the only two days we take out of the year to remember and thank those who have fought for our freedom and safety. We should be thanking these individuals every single day and always remember not only their sacrifice but the sacrifices made by their families. As an individual who has come to understand just how hard it can be to have a loved one in military, don’t forget about the families who stood behind these soldiers and supported them everyday. A country may have lost a soldier, but a family lost their son, daughter, brother, sister, mom, or dad. Always keep these brave soldiers in your prayers so that they may return home safely and reunite with their loved ones.

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